Loaded

The following are some statements/questions that one should approach a pregnant woman with very carefully. You never know which way the hormones are swinging her temperament, so be ready to run if you utter any of following:

1. Are you sure you're pregnant? You don't look pregnant. (This can brighten her day, or ruin it, depending.)


2. How many are you having?


3. Again?!


4. But why?


5. So, any interesting cravings yet? (Be prepared to fill an order if you're dumb enough to ask this one!)


6. Do you know what you're having? (Why, yes, I believe we'll be birthing a litter of puppies! And you?)


7. How do you feel? (ummm, does the vomit on your shoes answer your question?)


8. Have you tried crackers? (Really! People still make this suggestion!)


9. How much weight have you gained?


10. Can I get you some water? (I'm sick of that one already. I know it's well meant, but really, don't I sprint for the toilet enough?)


11. Four! Wow! (or whatever the applicable number is... it's always awe-inspiring.)


12. Do you breastfeed?


13. Gonna circumcise?


14. Got names picked out yet?


15. Are you still pregnant?


16. Have you met so-and-so? She's pregnant too.... (followed by details guaranteed to either scare you to death or make you insanely jealous)


17. Is it moving yet?

Of course with two of my three children fluent in the english language, you may never get the chance to ask. They'll tell everything you wanted to know, and a lot you didn't want to know, at top volume, before you've finished drawing breath to say hello. Isn't it kind of them to save us all the trouble?